Locker Room Etiquette

I'm not one to stifle people's creative energies nor make people feel self conscious about their bodies, but I feel it's time to come out and say what needs to be said as the atrocities have gone unchecked for long enough.
The object pictured above is known as an automatic hand dryer, not an automatic OLD MAN TESTICLE DRYER. It is not for campus gym locker room beanbag aeration. You are not allowed to plant one foot on the wall, lean back, and lift bag to dry the underside.